How Does This Make You Feel?

Jersey Shore Guys

These are the douches men of arguably the best show on television at the moment, MTV’s “Jersey Shore“; Ronnie, Pauly, Vinny and Mike aka “The Situation”. Eyebrow situation, that is! These guys made me feel like my eyebrows are actually two lazy, obese caterpillars waiting to be morphed into beautiful butterflies. We all know that me and tweezers are not the best of friends, so I’ll just leave them be. For two minutes I was staring at their picture, my eyes were fixed above their necks the entire time. Yes, they are shirtless here but I never knew that it is possible NOT to look at a man’s shirtless body — especially when some serious brow-scaping took place. A curious mind wants to know, do they tickle your pickle?

Guys of Jersey Shore

Guys of Jersey Shore

Guys of Jersey Shore

Guys of Jersey Shore

Guys of Jersey Shore

Guys of Jersey Shore

Guys of Jersey Shore

  • Julius Seizure


    Next question?

  • Reese

    This makes me feel confused. Haven’t we seen interchangeable guys like this on other reality shows over and over and over again? I’m surprised none of them are named Tony or Joey. Do these types of guys spend hours coming up with new hand signals?

  • Zizzybaloobah

    The one w/the faux hawk just needs to walk away from the depilatories and scruff up a bit. As for the rest of those CJBs (circle jerk boiz) I’m sure they think it’s not gay as long as there’s no kissing.

  • DoverDavid

    It makes me feel…….glad that I am not a Vinnie No Neck

  • matty

    My first reaction is they are ugly. Looking again I still feel the same.

  • I grew up in New Jersey, and lived down the shore for a dozen years and have no idea where that tweezered eyebrow look came fromBrooke Shields anyone?). These guys are non-discript, interchangeable, man-bots. Narcissism rules on these self-indulgent, mostly scripted, “reality” shows. Yuk, thats how it makes me feel.

  • David1969

    THANK-YOU all so much for saying what you did….I thought I was the only one who felt the way you all do….these “Men” and I do use that word losely are disgusting….they are representative of what makes these reality shows suck…and I don’t mean in the good way either….LOL

    I did hear on the Today Show yesterday that MTV specifically required them to look and act that way…is it me or don’t they remind you of those horrid Gotti kids….the ones that whore Victoria Gotti popped out.

  • They are enough to turn me straight.

  • FakeName

    It’s like someone ordered four kits but then didn’t bother to read the instructions and maybe spilled a couple of the boxes. The parts are there but they are severely mis-assembled.

    The douchetard with the Cadillac tattoo has made it known he is willing to put his Prince Albert on display for Playgirl. Save your money, Playgirl, you know the iPhone pictures will be leaking any minute.

  • Ronald

    Gotti Beach Party ! Where do the hide there guns?

  • Stuart

    It’s a type. Some people will like it, others won’t.

    I personally like some douchebags (and I think it is because they are the male equivalent of skanks, sluts and bimbos). Just because I’d be embarrassed to be seen with them in public doesn’t mean I wouldn’t screw them (or get off on the idea of it). Cheap has an appeal of its own – if straight men can like the Pamela Andersons of this world, then I’m not going to feel guilty about liking a meathead guido.

    • @Stuart Well said. I wholeheartedly agree about douches being the male equivalent of sluts and bimbos.

  • Ronald Schaffer

    Gotti beach blanket bingo— where do they hide there guns?

  • undapantsman

    Never really though Douche was a cultural thing. I stand corrected. Haha =D

  • mike

    I like Mike hes the one in the blue print trunks…hes hot!!! nice body and i love his accent!!! i could ride him all day!!! the other 3 r ok…

  • jeff

    a bunch of ‘guidos’

  • Randall

    Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Almost ruined my day.

    I agree. They remind me of those awful Gotti boys, trying and failing miserably at being black.

    Ugh again.

  • Boris

    there is a disgusting amount of wax on their chest….

  • KarmaLysing

    Here’s to hoping they’re all sterile. That’s all I have to say on this subject.

  • David

    Their eyebrow manscaping expenses must be enormous. I can’t even begin to imagine what they are spending for their Brazillian waxings.

  • SneakyReds

    this doesn’t make me feel anything… just more overly fake-and-bake guys who use WAY to much product, and I really want to know who on God’s great big universe thinks that that girl is anything attractive?! I was seriously scared for a minute after seeing her! lol

  • Henry Holland

    I keep thinking of the lyrics from the great PiL song Don’t Ask Me when I see these mooks:

    Still planning on a future
    Well lucky for some
    You can develop your body
    But your mind is still a slum

  • Deon

    Ew. . . they are disgusting.

  • eew

  • disease control

    I generally agree. Having said that, I might hit that…if need be…maybe…if it was kinda dark…maybe…

  • Mallory

    @ Stuart — Very good for you saying that. Sluts are awesome, cheap can be sexy. @ Everyone else —- However…They’re disgusting, reprehensible……I hope they all get killed, or have to go to prison where they’ll realize what a big ego is worth when you’re the bitch. This is just skin crawlingly nasty, not sexy-cheap. Ewww, I think I’ll go take a shower or something. Gross.

  • Kai

    WAAAAY too “guido” for me!

  • Robert

    I don’t mind a little bit of trimming of the eyebrows, heck mine get a bit out of control, but these guys overdid it. They are ok looking, I prefer a bit more scruff and body hair.

    Would I throw them out of my bed….probably not.

  • undapantsman

    Question: “How does this make you feel?”

    My answer: “It doesn’t.”

    =D hahaah way too high maintenance/gross for me.

  • Oz

    Snooki put it best: “Mike can be a nice guy. Like he shows his good side and then his jerk off side. And that’s what I like: A good guy and a jerk off. It’s all the same. If one thing leads to another, I’m not gonna tell him to get off.”

  • Sean

    Honestly, yes, I do think they’re pretty hot. Dumber than dogshit? Oh, hell yes! And this article made me start watching the show and now, unfortunately, I am hooked. Damn you. Damn you and your excellent website.

  • Pine sol

    KarmaLysing on December 11th, 2009 at 12:19 pm

    Here’s to hoping they’re all sterile. That’s all I have to say on this subject.

    When you made this comment, I immediately HOPED you were referring to not only the “guys” but particularly the female. Say her on 2 different interview
    programs lately, stupid isn’t sufficient.

  • Joe

    What is the male equivalent for “butterface” ?

  • unknown


    but they do seem a bit young

  • Jay

    I’ve watched a couple of episodes of this and seen these guys. This is a perfect example of putting all your energy into “care” of the outside. These guys have totally neglected the inside. They are disturbing as human beings. They have no respect for others (or themselves for that matter) and when they talk it’s really painful to listen. They don’t realize how bad they sound – they think that because they have “awesome” bodies nobody will notice that they are vapid, immature and misogynistic….but, now that I think about it, maybe they’re right. They are STILL on TV and people are still watching…ugh. There are plenty of quality guys with fantastic bodies…why do we as Americans waste time on tools like these?

  • Harry

    I think I just threw up a little.

  • Trinity

    They’re all douches, but Mike is seriously hot.. :O

  • hally

    They are gross to me. Utterly gross. I wouldn’t touch them with a bargepole. They wouldn’t get near my lady bits even if they paid me a LOT of money. And that Snooki creature is just gah!

  • Travis

    Say what you will about these guys (and I certainly agree with most of it), but I can’t help but find them sexy

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