This Hunk Calendar Madness Has to Stop!

12 Men of Christmas

Okay, not really. You know I’m forever grateful for this rising trend, but shaved chests? Really? These monthly eye candies are from Lifetime’s hyped out “12 Men of Christmas” starring Josh Hopkins and Kristin Chenoweth. Of course, they have been on every blog known to man but as always, I am the last one to post them. But you’ll drool anyway, right? RIGHT? We’ll have a look at each month with equal use of brain and crotch at the same time. It’s a hard feat, but I’ll try.

Mr. January

Given the amount of fuzz that he has on his broad, lickable chest, I’d say this one is safe for now. While the hairy legs are a huge turn on, his nipples looked a little sad. They need some serious cheering up by an experienced grief counselor, also known as my tongue.

Mr. January

Mr. February

Lifetime has gone a step further in corporating ‘average’ looking men in a pool of impossibly gorgeous hunks, and I applaud the effort. Also, this man needs a standing ovation for having the confidence to stand tall among the likes of uber hunks Josh Hopkins and Jessie Pavelka.

Mr. February

Mr. March

Dad, mom called she said you spent too much time in the hot tub! *awkward silence*

Mr. March

Mr. April

Aaron Abrams is a known shaver because a man this dark has near zero chance of having a naturally smooth chest, but given his level of hotness — I’ll be forever blinded. A detailed investigation into the subject matter can be found here.

Mr. April

Mr. May

May seems like the most exciting month of the year in this calendar, because I’m sure people’s crotches will be jumping with joy and yell “Thank you God for creating this man” when they see this piece of delectable beefcake. There’s no doubt Jessie Pavelka is a prime HUNK, but my half brain is telling me not to get too excited because of the unsightly red marks (thanks to Groopii) on his chest. Perhaps Nivea and Gillette are the sponsors of this particular month? Yes, he definitely should go to shaving prison (which is by the way, located right in the center of my crotch area).

Mr. May

Mr. May

Mr. May

Mr. May

Mr. June

When you see a yummy slice of mancake with abs to die for in the rain, you invite him in and offer to thoroughly dry him off any moisture, before giving him a good meal and tuck him into bed. It’s the only way you’ll win his heart.

Mr. June

Mr. July

Too smooth and too Fabio-esque and pre True Blood season 2 Alexander Skarsgård for my liking, but if I see this ethereal beauty while camping nearby (which by the way, would never happen in a million years) I’d definitely nibble on his bait. And you’re so nasty.

Mr. july

Mr. August

Someone let the bunny in the wild, and this one has the tendency to shave and shave and shave. While I don’t mind him messing with his face, if he ever go near the chest area — I’ll be having rabbit stew tonight!

Mr. August

Mr. September

This is one of those times I get out of my seat and yell furiously, “Those tights shouldn’t be there in the first place and I want a refund!”

Mr. September

Mr. October

Another bunny, albeit smoother. Doesn’t really tickle my pickle, but I’d hit it anyway.

Mr. October

Mr. November

Once again, I was proven wrong. There are actually a lot of hairy firefighters out there, and the only fire that this furry creature has to put out is the one on my crotch. It is furiously burning as we speak.

Mr. November

Mr. December

Finally, Josh Hopkins gets what he deservers and what he is destined to do. Being shirtless on TV. No more of this peekaboo shots. I am actually a fan of his lean, slightly fuzzy body.

Mr. December

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