Guess These Conspicuous Nipples

Like the nipples, I’m going to give you two clues for this one. “Food porn” are the first two words that come to mind. Okay, since he’s British β€” I’m going to give you one more clue, which is “look right”. Yes, it’s going to be too damn easy. Guess before you lick click!

That’s right, they belong to my OFFICIAL British husband Matt Tebbutt. If you’re not familiar with this super fine piece of SEX from across the pond, read and drool (but hands off, bitches) all about him here. These are from my wet dreams last night “Saturday Kitchen” on BBC one last week and I’m sure he will penetrate the humongous American market (insert a libido joke here) soon enough. When he peels the cucumber, Matt Tebbutt has just brought a whole new meaning to the term “food porn”. Yes, Matt should work with more giant cucumbers. And he knows how to squeeze as much liquid as he can out of them (I rest my case). Based on close observation and SERIOUS amount of squinting at his chest, I would imagine Matt has a reasonably furry one. That’s okay, because one smile from Matt would turn me into a puddle of warm goo. If he can only undo one more button on his shirt… And those hairy arms keep me awake and sweating at night.

Matt Tebbutt on Saturday Kitchen

Matt Tebbutt on Saturday Kitchen

Matt Tebbutt on Saturday Kitchen

  • DoverDavid

    He sure knows how to handle a cuke now doesn’t he! It looks right at home in his hands.

  • cameron

    Nipples? Man boobs. He is fat!

  • jayboy

    in my research as a gay man since 1973, i have discovered that men possessing a gap between their upper middle teeth tend to be well-hung. can anyone support that finding personally?

  • The gap has always been associated with sexuality — the Wife of Bath had the gap in Canterbury tales πŸ™‚

    BTW — When did the English become so hot? *fans self*

  • redcat

    Uhm not my type. Although, Square?!? why haven’t you posted caps of Alec Baldwin seducing a male interior designer on last episode of 30 Rock? He’s fully dressed but the scene is HOT.

  • WannaBuyADuck

    Jayboy: I’ve not heard about penis size associated with gaped toothness, but I have observed that men with thick, somewhat protruding ears have lovely cocks. Just a personal observation. if Matt has anything like the cuke he’s holding, I want some. He seems right at home with that in his hand. Here Matt, hold this!

  • redcat

    Actually there’s none or inconclusive scientific evidence about penis size being related to feet, hands, nose or other body parts. Bummer because I do have kind of a big nose πŸ˜‰

  • KMac

    Big noses also have their uses!

  • Daknee

    Gap, no gap. It doesn’t matter. All that matteers is, it looks like he knows how to handle a cucumber.

  • KarmaLysing

    Mr. Tebbutt, whose surname is an innuendo all in and of itself, can squeeze a cucumber for me any day. Aheh.

    Oh, and Cameron, sweetums? Go back to and let the grown-ups talk in peace. Thanks SO much.

  • Matty

    He needs to not only undo another top button but another button from the bottom as well. Then another and another……ah hmm. Oh and if you notice in those pictures where he is bending the cucumber you can see the tiniest bit of his stomach because he didn’t button that bottom button.

  • biggestFAN

    Damn! I thought it was Jamie Olliver.

  • robertg, for you gourmands, is a great site for gourmet recipes.
    My personal choice for most interesting is “O’possum Deluxe”. The instructions begin thusly: “First, get an o’possum……”

    I’m sure if enough requested it, Mr. Tebbutt would whip one up for you on TV.

  • JuanCarlos

    @Cameron. Are you insane?? man boobs?? fat??
    The man is in perfect shape, and in fact, he’s a good example of how a man should look like. You might need to get your eyes checked

  • If Cameron is right, then we’re all extremely obese and will die tomorrow.

  • robertg

    @Square: AH ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA! πŸ˜€

    good one!

  • SteveH

    He’s a hottie for sure. Saw a clip of a TV chef show last year where Mr Tebbutt and some woman are watching a young chef cooking. Tebbutt mentions that he and the other chef have been out dancing in their time. The woman asks the young chef: “Is that true? Has Matt danced with you?” The chef replies, barely missing a beat: “Not with me. For me.” It was the most brilliant innuendo moment and Matt Tebbutt blushed very cutely. πŸ™‚

  • Miguel

    “Nipples? Man boobs. He is fat!” – cameron

    You *are* joking, right? Because if you’re not, I seriously feel sorry for you. This guy isn’t even close to being fat.

    Real men don’t eat two crackers and a cheese cube for dinner.

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  • Rich

    Hey SQUARE? I doubt Cameron has been right about much if this is his idea of ‘fat’. I know many people who’d pay to be ‘fat’ like this! Personally I think this guy is pretty attractive…


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  • Robin C

    Square, hate to burst your bubble (re: Matt’s furriness), but had 3 days at his restaurant & the buttons on his shirt were undone to below nipple level. Fairly smooth chest – but he could have just shaved it? Had drinks & my last lunch with him – and he’s really adorable! I’ve been invited back there next year. x

  • @RobinC You lucky bugger. I am so jealous I can puke, but again if I’m anywhere near him he would have a restraining order against my ass. Thanks for the info, I have a feeling he’s naturally not that hairy.

  • Robin C

    He’s gonna be hosting a new LIVE cookery show on the UK’s Channel 4 at lunchtime. Starts on 7 November until Xmas. I’m gonna be in the audience on the 15th November, and going to another UK chef’s pub after – hoping Matt’s gonna join me for a drinkie or 2 (would love to get rather pissed with him – hehe).

  • Jake

    I just noticed that the buttons of his shirt just above his waist are open, very sexy peek….wish there was some hair….. πŸ™‚

  • Robin C

    Square – have you fallen out of love with Mr Tebbutt? Havent seen you mention him in ages.

  • cj1980

    What does Justin mean – when did the Englsih become so hot?!?! The English have always been wildly hot, dumbo -that’s why they’ve had more film stars, pop stars and supermodels than any other country (apart from us!!!!). Think Cary Grant, David Niven, Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig, McCartney, Jagger, One Direction, Duran Duran, endless high-cheek-boned aristos…………………..:-)
    What kinda world do you live in, Justin? Time you had a vacation in London dude…..

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