Survivor Nicaragua: Blurred Crotches Galore

A new season of “Survivor” premiered last week, and as we all know, the series never disappoint with a vast array of man flesh. With man flesh comes blurred crotches. Wait, blurred crotches? I guess it’s too offensive now to look at bulges on primetime television? No comprende? Probably next season contestants are required to wear shirts all the time (that’s when I WON’T be watching)? Absolutely preposterous. This time, the tribes are divided into age groups and droolworthy-wise, it does make it a lot easier. One thing that’s prominent this season — BEEFY CHESTS! Everybody has it. I mean, there’s enough meat in Shannon’s chest alone to feed half the population of Nicaragua. Since we have multiple hotness to look at, I’ll go through some of the contestants with detailed(ish) analysis after the jump.

This post if for Stephen B, hope you’re reading this!

1. Shannon

Everybody’s talking about Shannon. Who can blame them. Blue eyes, jet black hair, bountiful pecs… I just want to put a loincloth over his genitals and put him on a pedestal. The fact that the boys will be in their undies a lot this season is a true delight, albeit the blurred crotches.

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Hey CBS, blur that!

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

2. Chase

Despite the smoothness, chase is probably my favorite one in the camp. He has this boyish charms that can melt anyone. Also frequent victim of the blurred crotch syndrome.

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

3. Sash

First of all, Sash is a cool name. I can’t recall anyone named Sash on TV before. He is the sole ambassador of hairy chest in the younger tribe this season, and there’s isn’t much to it anyway.

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

4. Benry

It is such a shame that a hot guy like Benry kept his shirt on most of the time, and isn’t as showy as the other hunks. Total editor’s fault. There’s definitely more to be desired from this scuffy blue eyed hotness.

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

5. Marty

Honestly, I have a strange attraction to Marty. Okay it’s not that strange knowing that I’m very attracted to the geriatric set. The silver goatee does add to the hotness, and I’m sure at least some of you would agree.

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

6. Jud

Stephen Baldwin’s younger brother Jud is the type of guy you’d want to part with, get drunk together and most probably will end up with his lolly in your gob. And if you do want to take it from the back, be prepared to hear something like “Score!” during touchdown. No complaints there.

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Before I end this post, I’m going to leave you with some outtakes from the latest International Jock commercial.

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Fortunately, the editors aren’t always consistent. Thank goodness for that.

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

That wasn’t offensive, was it?

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Uhm, how did he get in here? Fine, I have the hots for this one too.

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

Survivor Nicaragua Shirtless

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