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#1 2009-09-02 01:11:07

boydspence
Tank Top
Registered: 2009-06-25
Posts: 133

Courtship for men?

Hey Guys, its me again.

So say i meet this really nice guy. Who starts the whole dating thing? Back in my (straight)  days, when i met a girl i liked i was the one taking initiative. Say we go on a date. Can i still open the door for the car? do i still pull the seat out? Do i pay? am i supposed to take flowers/chocolate? Can i still give him my jacket even though is its not that cold but just so we can smell my cologne?

OR

do i treat him like i treat my straight guy friends. you know burp in front of him, pick stuck food from my teeth with my fingernails, blow my nose (i love spicy mexican food).

i guess my question is:  Do i treat my male date as if he were a girl? (i know i wouldn't want to be treated like that)

Please help me!!!!!!

ps. i haven't met anyone yet but i just want to know what is "expected" of me before i get there.

Thanks,

boydspence


Ste: you think i'm queer?
Jamie: it doesn't matter what i think.
-Beautiful Thing (1996)

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#2 2009-09-02 14:22:17

square
Administrator
Registered: 2007-03-03
Posts: 1497
Website

Re: Courtship for men?

Just be yourself mate, I know we always try to impress other guys on dates but don't overdo it. smile


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#3 2009-09-02 14:57:34

boydspence
Tank Top
Registered: 2009-06-25
Posts: 133

Re: Courtship for men?

Thank you for your comment.

Thats my problem. im a very romantic guy. i like sending flower and doing all that cheese stuff. up to now ive done it with girls and they (some) seem to like it and find it very cute but not sure how to behave with a guy.

Thank you all. i know eventually (through experience) i will get the whole dating thing.

squarehippies wrote:

Just be yourself mate, I know we always try to impress other guys on dates but don't overdo it. smile

I love you use that word (mate) sounds nice. big_smile

Last edited by boydspence (2009-09-02 15:12:09)


Ste: you think i'm queer?
Jamie: it doesn't matter what i think.
-Beautiful Thing (1996)

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#4 2009-09-02 22:50:24

Virtue
The Everseeing Eye
Registered: 2007-03-12
Posts: 283

Re: Courtship for men?

Squarehippies is right : be yourself. I can offer pointers though.

Courtship is much more complex with mens because it changes with each. For example, if I was offered flowers, I'd think it would be weird. My boyfriend (!), on the other hand, loves it when I bring him exotic flowers and when I open the door for him. Courtship amongst mens is all about being a good judge of character. You will fall a lot, I certainly did, but if you get up and keep exploring and discovering, you'll succeed. My number one rule is : confidence is nice, cocky is annoying.

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#5 2009-09-03 08:11:36

odrade1
Overcoat
Registered: 2009-09-03
Posts: 1

Re: Courtship for men?

Congrats on coming out, by the way. I remember what that was like.
As for courting guys,....
Whether or not it is simple or complex will depend on the guy. You will definitely impress some with flowers. You will definitely fail to impress others with flowers. If the guy you are asking out identifies more with women than men (i.e. is really girly), then it is probably safe to bring chocolates or flowers or whatever. If the guy is a Guy's guy, then you will be fine just showing up yourself, doing something fun together, maybe eating good food and drinking good beer. What kind of guy are you? What kind of guy makes your stomach get butterflies?

I have gone out with guys (girly guys in my opinion) who responded to gushy stuff like flowers and chocolates, etc. Those were guys who believed in the traditional courtship methods they saw men and women using on TV and (maybe occasionally) in real life, and they tended to identify with the woman in the movie. If the guy you are going out is super-romantic at heart (in the way a chick is on TV), then a romantic gift is appropriate. Remember that the "traditional romantic" gifts are the gifts that MEN give to WOMEN in these instances. So the gift is meant to say something like "I think you are a special lady, and I'm so excited to be allowed to escort you to....." My own view is that it's silly enough when men buy women stuff for a first date; its much more ridiculous when a guy buys another guy flowers for a first date.
*an exception would be when it is a host gift, at a dinner party. However, even then, I bring something like a bottle of wine instead of flowers, unless the host 1) is a guy I know well already or 2) a female.
If you are excited to go out with someone, just tell him so. Don't hide the message in a girly gift. On a first date I much prefer to hear, "Gosh, I'm so glad we're going out; you're really quite hot and I thought there was some chemistry when we met." than to have some guy mistake me for a chick and bring me flowers.

Best advice: (which was already given) Be yourself. (assuming you aren't a douche or a total loser) Be honest. Stick to your principles (mostly). I say mostly, because sometimes as we learn and evolve in life, our principles need to change. Be the kind of man that you want to attract. Use condoms.

More controversial advice: Go out on a lot of dates this year. Fool around with some of them. Do not expect to meet your soul mate in the first year or three that you are dating. You will learn that there are plenty of losers out there, even some hot losers. And you will learn that there are some great guys out there. You will also get more comfortable with asking guys out.
I dated about 30 guys before I met my partner. With 10 of those guys I knew after the first or second date that it wouldn't work out. With another 15 I knew after one or two weeks that it wouldn't work out. A handful more were really good relationships, even if they didn't last forever. And one of them (the current one) has lasted 8 years.


The Natural Gods of Men are Other Men. -J.Malebranche

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#6 2009-09-03 15:01:26

boydspence
Tank Top
Registered: 2009-06-25
Posts: 133

Re: Courtship for men?

wow guys, you have no idea how much i APPRECIATE all the info!

Thank you very much! you guys rock! big_smile


Ste: you think i'm queer?
Jamie: it doesn't matter what i think.
-Beautiful Thing (1996)

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#7 2009-12-10 20:17:59

boners
Overcoat
From: Gadsden Alabama
Registered: 2009-12-10
Posts: 4

Re: Courtship for men?

Can I ask a question ? Are you a guys guy or kind of not ? A guy who wants to with a guy-type guy may not respond the same as another type, and there are others. Just be yourself , if you want to bring flowers or chocolate go ahead. Be happy 
being you dude,  I wish you the best

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#8 2009-12-22 15:57:51

AngloAm
Long Sleeve Oxford
Registered: 2009-12-22
Posts: 11

Re: Courtship for men?

I don't think a first date is a time to belch or pick your teeth or eat spicy food (breath).

Be yourself is great advice. From what you say you sound like a great person to date, very attentive and nice. And if you're not at least your best self, imagine the disappointment when you slip up and the act fails? Yikes!  :0 I agree totally with everyone else - instead of hinting that you're glad to be going out with the gent, tell him. Even if it sounds corny. It will only sound corny to you. To him it'll be really nice to hear.

Can i still open the door for the car?
>>Why not? Especially if you're both walking to it, it's nice. Perhaps a bit much to jump out and do so, but I don't think even that would be off-putting. It may make you stand out as somebody worth getting to knowmore.

do i still pull the seat out?
>>No. That implies that you're protective of your companion, who can be assumed not to be frail.

Do i pay?
>>Normally he who invites, pays, at least while courting. When you're a couple, you're not really inviting him out as much as the invitation is mutual. Then - it depends on the dynamic in the couple.

am i supposed to take flowers/chocolate?
>>I dunno. It seems nice. I wouldn't mind flowers or chocolate, or their absence. Check to see if your date's allergic to either.

Can i still give him my jacket even though is its not that cold but just so we can smell my cologne?
>>Okay, I guess people will call me a girly-man but that idea is soooo romantic. Mmm I can just smell it. But then, you know, if you're sitting close he'll smell it too. Coming down from that little high, I have to say it would depend. If he says he's chilly, why not. If he doesn't, don't bother.

You may want to ask yourself, what if a gentleman you liked opened the car (and restaurant) door for you, pulled the seat out, brought you flowers or chocolate, and gave you his jacket if you murmured that it seemed a bit cooler than you thought it would be?

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#9 2010-01-24 19:27:57

KMac
Butt Nacked!
From: Sheffield, UK
Registered: 2009-11-28
Posts: 490
Website

Re: Courtship for men?

boners wrote:

Can I ask a question ? Are you a guys guy or kind of not ? A guy who wants to with a guy-type guy may not respond the same as another type, and there are others. Just be yourself , if you want to bring flowers or chocolate go ahead. Be happy 
being you dude,  I wish you the best

Hi I'd be careful about trying to typecast ANYONE, least of all anyone you might be trying to date.
I'd be tempted not to jump in with the flowers, at the start.  Test the water verbally, you'll soon feel your way. 

Don't tell my Mum (she's a florist) but I actually think cut flowers are a ridiculous waste of the planet's resources (at least they are in the UK since we have 90% of them imported from the Netherlands and the Channel islands)  A potted plant which will last a lot longer is a much more sustainable gift, more thoughtful and less girly.

Most of the conventions about how men treat women is really just basic politeness, so offering to open a door is a good thing to do, just don't refuse to accept the other guy holding a door open for you.  Trust your instincts, you'll get it right...

Male-male dating is a bit like dancing with someone, you just have to be prepared to lead and also prepared to follow..

Let us all know how it goes Buddy.
Have fun,
Mac


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