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#1 2009-07-31 18:36:55

boydspence
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Registered: 2009-06-25
Posts: 133

Question about "coming out"

hey guys its me again,

I have been thinking about coming out to one of my friends (she would be the 1st, besides you guys). Got any tips, advices, ANY information that could help me big_smile

Thanks, you guys rock! cool (ive been wanting to use the smilly with the glasses hehe)


Ste: you think i'm queer?
Jamie: it doesn't matter what i think.
-Beautiful Thing (1996)

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#2 2009-08-01 19:39:52

squarebart
Butt Nacked!
From: California
Registered: 2008-05-11
Posts: 1240
Website

Re: Question about "coming out"

I say present it as a work in progress. Don't be unhappy or negative if that's true enough. Kind of a "here's what I'm working on now..."  Give her time to process; you've been processing for a while, she might need more than a few minutes. 

But in the long run, it's always best to get this process started.  Unless you're famous, coming out is an ongoing process. Get used to it. It's a step on the way to get to a happier life.

These days, most young people are pretty accepting.  You're including her in an important part of your life, and hopefully she will value that. Lots of good wishes going your way. oxo SB


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#3 2009-08-02 06:08:44

Skyler
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From: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Registered: 2009-07-26
Posts: 433
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Re: Question about "coming out"

The best thing to do is to say it in person, which is much quicker and, ironically, less stressful. The first person I came out to was over an email and the wait was maddening.

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#4 2009-08-03 16:11:50

boydspence
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Registered: 2009-06-25
Posts: 133

Re: Question about "coming out"

Thank you guys. For everything.


Ste: you think i'm queer?
Jamie: it doesn't matter what i think.
-Beautiful Thing (1996)

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#5 2009-08-03 16:43:47

boydspence
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Registered: 2009-06-25
Posts: 133

Re: Question about "coming out"

i did it guys, i called her, told her and asked her to have coffee with me. im freaking out!


Ste: you think i'm queer?
Jamie: it doesn't matter what i think.
-Beautiful Thing (1996)

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#6 2009-08-04 03:14:41

squarebart
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From: California
Registered: 2008-05-11
Posts: 1240
Website

Re: Question about "coming out"

It'll be fine. Even if it takes time. Let us know...


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#7 2009-08-04 15:42:22

boydspence
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Registered: 2009-06-25
Posts: 133

Re: Question about "coming out"

after talking she suggested i find a gay guy who i can talk to. you know,  to listen to his story and ask questions, etc. so ill be in the look out. so.. ill appreciate if you can give me some pointers.

Do you approach a guy as if he were i girl (i can do girls)?

How would you do it?

Thanks! big_smile


Ste: you think i'm queer?
Jamie: it doesn't matter what i think.
-Beautiful Thing (1996)

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#8 2009-08-05 04:12:36

squarebart
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From: California
Registered: 2008-05-11
Posts: 1240
Website

Re: Question about "coming out"

boydspence and everyone please search for DAN SAVAGE. start reading his columns, listening to his podcasts, watch him on Youtube.

call him if you need to. he's an expert. and yes, he's totally gay. he's really good.

here, I'll give you the starting point.
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove
http://www.aan.org/binary/930a/savagelunch.jpg

hugses and kisseses, SB

Last edited by squarebart (2009-08-05 04:27:59)


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#9 2009-08-05 15:03:27

boydspence
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Registered: 2009-06-25
Posts: 133

Re: Question about "coming out"

dude/girl, i freaking love you right now! THANK YOU!


Ste: you think i'm queer?
Jamie: it doesn't matter what i think.
-Beautiful Thing (1996)

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#10 2009-08-05 17:29:08

boydspence
Tank Top
Registered: 2009-06-25
Posts: 133

Re: Question about "coming out"

squarebart wrote:

boydspence and everyone please search for DAN SAVAGE. start reading his columns, listening to his podcasts, watch him on Youtube.

call him if you need to. he's an expert. and yes, he's totally gay. he's really good.

here, I'll give you the starting point.
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove
http://www.aan.org/binary/930a/savagelunch.jpg

hugses and kisseses, SB

maybe im just a very stuck up confused gay guy or something but does he have to use profanity on every sentence he speaks? Can i be gay and not like partying, drinking, smoking, drugging (is that a verb?), and cursing.

Good topics though.

Thanks for taking the time to provide me with information. That i appreciate very much!!

Rock on!


Ste: you think i'm queer?
Jamie: it doesn't matter what i think.
-Beautiful Thing (1996)

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#11 2009-08-05 17:45:59

animefanboy
Overcoat
From: Delaware
Registered: 2008-05-15
Posts: 8

Re: Question about "coming out"

Well, if it is at all helpful, I'm a gay guy. I am currently out to my family and friends. Anyways, if you ever need someone to talk to or whatever, you can talk to me. If you are comfortable. Anyways, my advice to you is not to let other people's opinions get ya down. And you can be a gay guy and not like partying etc. I'm gay and I am not remotely interested in any of those things, except the cursing, it just kinda happens. My boyfriend is a cop and if that doesn't scream Non Stereotypical gay guy, then I have no idea what does. Hope my words helped ya.


"Didn't we have some fun though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said 'Goodbye' and you were like (deep male voice) 'NO WAY!' (normal voice) and then I was all 'We pretended we were going to murder you'? That was great!"-GLADOS (Portal)

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#12 2009-08-05 18:54:45

squarebart
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From: California
Registered: 2008-05-11
Posts: 1240
Website

Re: Question about "coming out"

Yes, there's something called a "non-scene" gay guy. Like me. The reason we have a Rainbow is cuz we come in all types and colors.

Savage just has his own style -- ignore the style and get the good information...!  Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater!


http://i386.photobucket.com/albums/oo303/photobartley/00000_sliver_eyes_tiny.jpg

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#13 2009-08-05 20:28:32

boydspence
Tank Top
Registered: 2009-06-25
Posts: 133

Re: Question about "coming out"

animefanboy wrote:

Well, if it is at all helpful, I'm a gay guy. I am currently out to my family and friends. Anyways, if you ever need someone to talk to or whatever, you can talk to me. If you are comfortable. Anyways, my advice to you is not to let other people's opinions get ya down. And you can be a gay guy and not like partying etc. I'm gay and I am not remotely interested in any of those things, except the cursing, it just kinda happens. My boyfriend is a cop and if that doesn't scream Non Stereotypical gay guy, then I have no idea what does. Hope my words helped ya.

thank you, i was starting to feel like i was not men enough to be straight and not gay (forgive me for the liberal use of the word) enough to be gay.

Thanks, i would like to be your friend very much. Ill need all the help i can get.

Thank you,


Ste: you think i'm queer?
Jamie: it doesn't matter what i think.
-Beautiful Thing (1996)

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#14 2009-08-05 20:31:29

boydspence
Tank Top
Registered: 2009-06-25
Posts: 133

Re: Question about "coming out"

squarebart wrote:

Yes, there's something called a "non-scene" gay guy. Like me. The reason we have a Rainbow is cuz we come in all types and colors.

Savage just has his own style -- ignore the style and get the good information...!  Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater!

wow i feel like a whole new world with rules and concepts is opening out to me. so that would make me a "non-scene" gay guy. ill google it. id like to find people like me i can relate to.

Thanks guys! big_smile


Ste: you think i'm queer?
Jamie: it doesn't matter what i think.
-Beautiful Thing (1996)

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#15 2009-08-28 08:08:24

Natalyah44
Overcoat
Registered: 2009-08-28
Posts: 1

Re: Question about "coming out"

boydspence wrote:

squarebart wrote:

Yes, there's something called a "non-scene" gay guy. Like me. The reason we have a Rainbow is cuz we come in all types and colors.

Savage just has his own style -- ignore the style and get the good information...!  Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater!

wow i feel like a whole new world with rules and concepts is opening out to me. so that would make me a "non-scene" gay guy. ill google it. id like to find people like me i can relate to.

Thanks guys! big_smile

Glad to read such a nice piece of information.
This is exciting news.
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